I hate this
I'm 18F broke my acl playing rugby 1 year ago, I'm abroad for a year so I couldn't do the surgery and meanwhile I'm on the waiting list to do it through public healthcare, it's scheduled for September.
I gained 13kg during this year through poor alimentation (my host family eats tons of fried food) and no exercise whatsoever. I tried to enroll in swimming but there wasn't any place available. In a year I went from being in the best shape of my life (doing 2 practices + matches + sometimes gym) to absolutely 0. I hate how I let it go that far but I also can't really blame myself.
As soon as I had broken the acl I kept playing like it was nothing cause it didn't hurt and I thought it'd solve itself but numerous times my knee gave out I went, got an MRI and confirmed I needed surgery. Can't do pre op exercise cause physios needed to see me in person first but I can't cause I'm abroad. I feel so stuck.
I wasn't thin before but I had muscle and was athletic now I'm at 85kg and 165cm as a female. I feel fat, slow and like there's no salvation. I can't imagine how if I'm feeling this way now how I'll feel post surgery when I'll still have 9 months of recovery. Not being able to play rugby for 2 years has taken an incredible mental toll on me and I don't even know if I'll ever go back to it.
I never had an injury before so I'm pissed the first one I get is that serious. I was also 17 ffs, 17 and athletic and tore her ACL is a joke.
I went for a run today, decided to do some sprints with the knee brace cause I had done it before without problems. Last step of the last sprint my knee gives out. I try not to think about it too often but I hate how it stops me from doing any sort of physical activity and how it has stolen my confidence. I'm scared to jump from fences now, heights I'd throw myself from.