My boyfriend recently started treating me better, but I still can't let go of past disrespect
ft. egg and avocado sandwich
he has completely changed his behaviour and is being super sweet to me and doing anything I ask for, but I still can't let go of some of his past actions, these include things such as:
* raised his voice at me on a few occasions (for example, one time because I called him in the morning and woke him up to ask for some important information that couldn't wait, he got mad that I woke him up, but later apologized for his behaviour)
* early on in our relationship, he entered me without a condom in the heat of the moment despite me saying earlier that I want to use a condom. I didn't stop him but later I felt like my boundary was violated.
* on more than one occasion he tried to pressure/coerce me into having anal sex, saying that I can't know if I don't like it unless I try it, and that I should have trust in him. I refused every time. he stopped doing that now.
* he forgot my birthday but remembered another girl's birthday and even bought her a gift and offered to throw a mini birthday celebration for her. (this was very early on in our relationship, but it still hurt)
* he had a period where he was fixating on another girl, wanted to to involve her in his work (he does a lot of volunteer work), and was visibly upset when she didn't want to be involved. (this fixation is now gone).
* I prepare coffee for him everyday and cook for him regularly. one time I asked for him to heat water for my tea and he started whining and wouldn't do it.
there are more things that he did.. but suddenly he has completely changed. we didn't even have a deep conversation or anything, he is just extremely sweet and attentive now, for my recent birthday he remembered it and bought me an amazing gift and threw me a surprise party.. but I still feel resentment towards him. I feel guilty because he's being good now, but it feels so hard to forgive some of his past behaviour.