u/odysseus-23_

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29 ka ho gaya hoon aur aaj pehli baar genuinely feel hua ki shayad main kahin na kahin life me peeche reh gaya hoon.

School me kabhi “playboy” type nahi tha. Ladkiyon se interaction almost zero tha. Jo bhi dosti thi wo unki side se hamesha platonic hi rahi. Jisko bhi pasand kiya, ya toh “bhai” ban gaya ya “just friend”. Tab main thoda overweight bhi tha, toh samajh aata hai kyun nahi hua kuch.

College me kaafi kaam kiya khud pe. Body, personality sab improve kiya. Achha shape bana, confidence bhi aaya. Kuch ladkiyon ne interest bhi dikhaya, proposals bhi aaye… but maine sab reject kar diya kyunki main apni best friend pe atka hua tha. Usko propose kiya eventually… usne bhi mana kar diya. Uske baad baat toh hui, but wo same wali cheez kabhi wapas nahi aayi.

Phir UPSC ka phase aaya. 4 saal de diye usme. Nahi hua. Uske baad se idhar udhar kaam kar raha hoon — event management, hospitality wagaira — aur saath me SSC jaisi exams ki preparation.

Maine hamesha socha tha ki love apne aap aa jayega. Kabhi force nahi kiya. Ladkiyon se normal baat ki, jaise dost se karte hain. Problem ye hai ki main baat karne me comfortable hoon, awkward bhi nahi hota… but mujhe samajh hi nahi aata ki aage kaise leke jaate hain cheezon ko. Dar lagta hai ki kahin creepy na lag jaun ya saamne wali uncomfortable na ho jaye.

Aur ab 29 saal ka ho gaya hoon… zero love life. Ek kiss tak nahi.toh Pata hai aaj kya hua? pata chala ki hamare cricket group ka ek ladka (18 saal ka)Bhopal se Bangalore gaya tha sirf hookup ke liye. I know comparison galat hai… but bhai hit toh karta hai. Lagta hai sab aage nikal gaye aur main wahi ka wahi hoon.

Career bhi set nahi hai, love life toh hai hi nahi. Sirf ek cheez hai jo improve hui — body aur personality. Log bolte hain confident ho, well-built ho, sorted lagte ho. But andar se aisa bilkul feel nahi hota.

Kabhi kabhi lagta hai problem mujh me hi hai. Jaise kuch fundamentally galat hai mere approach me ya log mujhe waise dekhte hi nahi.

I was never a “playboy” type during school. My interactions with girls were very limited, and whatever friendships I had were always platonic from their side. Whenever I expressed interest, I was usually seen as “just a friend” or “like a brother.” To be fair, I was overweight back then, so I understand why things didn’t go that way.In college, I worked on myself both physically and mentally. I got into shape, improved my personality, and even received a few proposals. But I turned them down because I was still in love with my best friend. Eventually, I confessed to her as well, and she rejected me. We stayed in touch, but things were never the same after that.After college, I went all in on UPSC prep and spent around 4 years on it, but didn’t get the results I wanted. Since then, I’ve been doing various jobs in event management, hospitality, etc., while preparing for other government exams like SSC.

All this time, I believed that love would come naturally. I never forced conversations or approached women with romantic intent I just treated them like friends. The thing is, I’m actually confident talking to women and don’t struggle socially but I genuinely don’t know how to take things forward in a romantic direction. I also hesitate because I don’t want to come across as creepy or make anyone uncomfortable.

Now I’m 29, and I’ve had zero romantic experience. I haven’t even shared a kiss.

Yesterday, I heard that someone from my extended friend circle (we play cricket together) who is 18 traveled just to hook up. That hit me harder than I expected. I know comparison isn’t healthy, but it made me feel like I’m way behind in life.

Career wise, I haven’t achieved what I wanted. In terms of relationships, I have nothing to show either. The only area I’ve improved in is my fitness and personality—people now see me as confident and well-built (I’ve been lifting consistently for 9 years). But internally, I still feel like I’ve failed.

I keep wondering if the fault lies in me like maybe there’s something fundamentally wrong with how I approach life, relationships, or people.

Not sure what I’m expecting from this post. Maybe perspective, maybe advice, or just to get this off my chest.