I’m tired of nursing but I don’t know what else to do
Let me preface this post by saying that I am aware that where I am today is the result of my own actions. I know that I made my own decisions which ultimately brought me where I am today. I have no one to blame but myself so if it sounds like I am trying to pass blame to someone else, know that I know that it is 100% only on me.
That being said, both my parents are nurses so growing up, that was kind of what they wanted me to be. There really felt like there was no other option. They always made it seem like the golden job. I love to eat/cook so I wanted to be a chef; they told me it’s too competitive. I wanted to be a teacher; they said it doesn’t pay enough and I “dont have the patience for it”. I wanted to be a lawyer; they said that the school is long and expensive. Any route I wanted to go, there was a reason not to do it. So growing up nursing kind of felt like what I HAD to do (I understand that this is not true, it’s just what it felt like) I am a huge people pleaser and love to see my parents proud of me so I could not stomach the thought of doing something that they wouldnt approve of.
I was always told nursing was the way to go because the schedule is nice, its very versatile, and once I get my degree, I could pretty much do what I wanted. All I had to do was “pass my classes”. Easier said than done for me. Classes were NOT a walk in the park and I barely scarped by.
Fast forward through nursing school (which was definitely not easy) and I thought I could get a good paying nursing job pretty easily. Hawaii for some reason, hates new grad nurses. They would prefer to spend their money on travel nurses rather than spending the time to train up the next generation of nurses. So I was told that I could get a job easy, but I was having a hard time doing that. I just about moved to the mainland just to get a job when I finally heard back from a hospital (bless the Lord) and worked on a medsurg unit for about 1.5 years which brings me to current.
I can not stand nursing. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I do think that I am good at this job. I do see myself as a good nurse. I love the service part and keeping my patients safe and happy but the problem is the physical and mental toll it takes on me. It is so much and I just cant take it anymore. And I dont think its just bedside nursing. It feels like there is nothing that I would enjoy in the health care industry. I don’t know what else to do. Part of me feels like a failure for only being able to put up with it for 1.5 years but at the same time I just really cant. I’ve started developing health issues due to the increased stress of the job. (My resting heart rate is at 110 and sometimes for a full 12 hour shift my heart rate does not drop below 150-160 even when drinking no coffee or anything)
All this to say I really dont know what I want to do in my life. Waste my degree and quit nursing all together? Find something that isn’t bedside that I would enjoy? (This is hard here in hawaii because most RN jobs in hawaii require 2 years experience and I only have medsurg experience).. I’m truly at a loss. If you read all the way through God bless you and have a wonderful day. I’m just tired.