אני בן 17 בכיתה יא' וכל החיים רציתי להיות לוחם או תומך לחימה. בכיתה י' קיבלתי פתור עקב אבחון שלא אציין, והתדמית האישית שלי התרסקה; כגבר,כישראלי כיהודי וכילד קטן שחלם חלום לשרת את המדינה שלו. כיום אני מנסה להתנדב בצבא אבל אינני יכול להיות תומך לחימה או לוחם. כל יום זה רץ לי בראש שאני לא יודע איך אקיים את המשאלה הזאת לשרת את המדינה וזה מכוון לשירות צבאי. מה דעתכם? אני באמת לא מצליח לשחרר מזה
I am 17 years old. At the age of almost 17, my parents divorced after violence and screaming at home. Today, after a year, I can say that my sense of home and security in the world has changed. Every day ends with longing for my parents' soft hands to hug me before bed. Right now my parents are in a mess with lawyers, one parent has cancer and the other doesn't know and won't let go of revenge. And I'm stuck in the middle, afraid, wanting to run away but coping, hurting, and hoping that God will heal us. And I don't know how to cope with so much, I'm just a 17 year old boy, I need a warm place, I need to know that my parents are okay. And hard to say but I'm scared because I have my own things and my own worries and can't believe that my world is shaking but I'm trying to stand
Lately I've been attached to someone and every time we're close it's chill but when with time we have like one week that we talk a lot and then we're not talking at all. And I like my connection with that guy but when I'm lonely it makes me even more insecure and even more sad . And then I cook all day and night and I try to get a distraction but I always go back to the thought that time is going and going and I'm just still lonely and still trying to survive but inside me I wanna be alright.
I try to accept this with time, but it's hunting me this thought that I can do nothing . Because one day I'm glad to talk to him but the other I'm the loneliest guy .