In a heated argument, (ex) boyfriend said, to my surprise, that I “don’t do anything for him.”
And this has left me feeling several things. Our relationship was very short lived (4 months) and kind of toxic. He never understood me or how i was feeling, especially if he wasn’t intending to hurt me. So several disagreements would be me trying to preach my case to only be invalidated and misunderstood. Well recently, I was made aware that I’ve never done anything for him, i guess in comparison to things he’s done for me (gave me his laptop that he doesn’t use, bought me a new tv when mine crapped out, gotten my hair done before…just to name a few things. all of which i expressed deep appreciation for.) And I’ve been stuck on this for two days now, because I am genuinely so hurt and confused. And then I started thinking about things I *have* done, and wondering why it wasn’t enough? He said I don’t do anything for him to make him feel loved and cared for, meanwhile when I was first learning how to cook steaks, I brought the ingredients over to his apartment and cooked us steak frites. I’ve bought groceries for his apartment because he only buys snacks and noodles.
For valentine’s day, i made him a candy basket and made him some chocolate covered strawberries, and bought us tickets to a clay making class (which I cancelled because he did nothing for me for valentine’s day.) I bought and charmed some fuzzy crocs for him because he said he had a pair he loved but left back in Korea. Took us out to dinner to a favorite brazilian steakhouse of mine. have bought him food to work. made cupcakes and bought him some to work. Cleaned, clipped, & polished his nails for him because he wasn’t tending to them. They looked SO GOOD he got compliments for once on his nails. Is that alone not because I care or love you??? Then got him his own full nail care kit. Because I don’t make effort to mentally keep track of everything I do for someone, I’m sure there’s more to be said. But just to give an idea. And if these things aren’t things that make you feel loved and cared for, why didn’t you speak up?? I always spoke up on issues i had. If this was festering in your mind this whole time, & why’d you finally throw that in my face???? Idk, I feel so weird now. Because I’m just questioning everything I DID do like okay, maybe it didn’t amount to a TV or airpods or a laptop, but it was out of genuine love and care…..? Idk. Out of all the nasty things we said to each other during the toxic breakup we had, this is really the biggest thing sticking to me and making me question EVERYTHING.
ETA: I want to clarify in the beginning, it was NOT only toxic because of him. Our disagreements and arguments were sometimes verbally toxic on both ends. I just didn’t delve into it cause the focus of this post is the comment that was made in our last argument two days ago.