I think I made a mistake getting surgery
I got srs in February this year, and I've been pretty miserable since then.
I spent the lead up to surgery questioning whether it was the right choice, and hoped I'd have that moment of clarity when I woke up and felt completely at peace, and when it happened I figured that was that. Two weeks in a different hospital for an infection resulting from a substantial dehiscence and a month of home visits and a catheter later, I've lost that peace.
Then everything went back to normal, I went back to work, friends stopped coming to check on me and keep me company, the world just kinda moved on and I feel this profound wrongness in me. Maybe it's the fact that I've not yet stopped bleeding intermittently, or that the swelling and numbness and hyper granulated tissue is keeping me from touching myself without feeling like I could do myself more damage and risk another hospital stay, but I'm so profoundly miserable in my body, more so than I ever was before surgery. I think I've mutilated myself in a way that I can never ever fix, and I gave up any chance of having kids to achieve it. I don't really have anyone in my life that can really appreciate just how awful this has been, I'm on my own with this grief.
Sorry if I've tagged this post wrong I'm not a much of a poster, just needed to put this somewhere