I connected some dots I wish I could unconnect
(trafficking, csam tw)
Hey folks. I was here a week or two ago and was talking about how isolating it is to have been trafficked to only one person, my uncle/aunt's ex husband, by my father.
I recently started CPT (cognitive processing therapy) with a social worker, and more information and trauma material is coming back that was lost to dissociative amnesia... I am having a really hard time, to be honest. I think I need to ask my social worker to slow down, because it's stirring up my system worse than we have been in a long time.
Last night, I was trying to wrap my head around the betrayal of being raped by and then trafficked to/by my uncle as a direct result of trying to tell him what my father was doing, and something clicked into place. I was my father's only victim, but not my uncle's.
His film industry connections...the movie room in the basement, walls covered with shelves and shelves of DVDs, with the couch, computer, and the webcam... I already had memories of that room, of him filming the abuse, but not the webcam. Not the livestream. Not watching myself back on the monitor.
With the dominos falling into place... I think I was wrong about my father and my uncle being a two-person team. I think I might have been a victim in an isolated branch of a CSAM/trafficking ring. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself now, I feel absolutely devastated and horrified. I really, really didn't think what I remembered could get any worse, but I was wrong again.
Please, just tell me I'm not alone. Tell me how to comprehend what was done to me. I feel so lost.