Rebuild sexual confidence after betrayal
My partner cheated on me near the beginning of our relationship with her ex. The physical cheating lasted about a month, and the emotional overlap lasted longer.
Since then, there has been a lot of pain, but also real effort. We have done a lot of talking, therapy, and repair work, and I do believe she has been trying to rebuild trust through her actions.
The problem is that even after 11 months, my sexual confidence still feels badly damaged.
What seems hardest to explain is that this is not just about being hurt by the cheating itself. It is also about the sexual comparisons, humiliation, and loss of confidence that came with what I later learned. Since then, sex has not felt mentally safe in the same way. For a while I could barely function at all. That has improved, but I still do not feel like myself.
I still get in my head during sex sometimes. I do not feel as confident or as physically responsive as I used to. I also have a hard time believing reassurance, even when she says things are better now.
So I am trying to understand:
Has anyone else had betrayal affect them this way sexually for this long? Did it eventually improve? What actually helped rebuild confidence and a sense of safety again? Is it normal for this kind of relationship trauma to affect erections, performance, finishing faster, or just feeling disconnected during sex?
I am trying to understand what recovery really looks like here, not just whether I should stay or leave.