Here is to belongingness and hope...
Greetings aces of this space.
I'm 32M from Kolkata, a city from eastern part of India.
And here goes my coming out (?) story.
Growing up in the 90's in a Bengali household was so heteronormative that I never had a space to question my orientation. Queer people (except for trans people) were practically invisible barring a few (Rituporno Ghosh, and Manabi to name a few edge cases for those who are curious). Basically, I never questioned my orientation because I had no clue that it's something that can be questioned. Furthermore, growing up I projected myself to be a sex favourable straight man. Partly because I survived CSA and lived in self blame and processed that trauma is weird ways, hence developing sex favourable straightness as a defence mechanisms.
It took me more than a decade to internally acknowledge that I've been abused and at the same time, I discovered that I'm intercourse repulsed during my first intimate experience with my the then long-standing partner. It was a confusing time to say the least. People around me, including immediate family, doubted me, blamed me for the CSA and asked me to see a doctor (for the intercourse repulsed part). My prior experience of visiting doctor for a delayed puberty added fuel to the trauma. A failed $u!c!d€ attempt later, I started investigating and learnt about asexuality (thanks to the absolute lifesaver of queer peers I met so far)
I'm still exploring my orientation, and there is a guilt of accidental mislabeling since what I discovered so far is that I'm intercourse repulsed but desire intemacy in all other forms and strongly romantic.
I hope to find my tribe here, however I'm prepared to be bu।।!ed since this is just another social fourm on the internet and quiet (in)famous at that. Queer/ace space, like any other space surely contains a handful of bad actors.
But I'm hopeful that there will be more people with kind hearts and may be even someone who would like to take a walk with me as well.
For those who are curious, I'm hetero-romantic romantic ace who is intercourse-repulsed but desire intemacy. Any takers from any ethnicity/culture in 27\~36 ageband (or slightly outside) ? I can write poems, fix gadgets and be your IT-support, debate on philosophy, start a revolution, topple a regime.
Here is to hope...