u/misf0rtunec00kie

I am always wondering, when is this supposed to start feeling rewarding? Shouldn't I have some sense of pride over this "accomplishment" by now? I'm going on six months clean from fentanyl and to say I'm just a shell of a person is an understatement.

I know it probably has a lot to do with how I don't actually want to be sober and I'm not unhappy or desperate to get out when I do use. Like my addiction isn't problematic for me and I don't hurt or use anyone to support it and I have no desire to not be on drugs. I just am.