I find myself rewatching my comfort shows every time I’m burnt out or depressed, it’s the only thing that keeps me engaged.
Usually I do watch a lot of movies, but I find myself unable to commit to them when I’m this tired, but I can rewatch 7 seasons of my fave shows??
Hi everyone!
This is my x burnout this year, but this time I feel like I just hit a wall to the room that was already closing in on me.
I work (or used to) remotely as a creative director and I was already underpaid but able to survive solely on my paycheck, even though it was a tight race, which I’m sure 90% of people can relate to.
(I live alone with two cats in a rented apartment, away from “home”, which I’ll explain later in the post).
But, this month my employer just ghosted everyone and I was left hanging. Paycheck is 15 days overdue.
I have 0.14€ in my bank account and I’ve been surviving thanks to my friends lending me some money, but I can’t keep asking them because they also need to survive somehow, and they’re not even in the same city as me, so we can’t share a meal or anything.
About my employer and our contract — I informed him of the breach and asked about payment, and he sent me a long message a week later saying that he has problems with his bank and that he would appreciate a little grace, as I’m asking him for a favor, not a pay that I was owed… and he lives in Singapore, + the dispute would be regulated under their law. I’m the only employee with an active contract, the rest have been working with expired contracts because he never got to renewing them.
I informed my landlord about the late payment but she is getting impatient. The nearest place I can stay at is 350 kilometers away, but I would need to find people who would help me move since I’m disabled (physically too) and would need a van at least to transport all the stuff, even if I leave some of the furniture behind. (I have a lot of stuff, I have been living on my own since I was 17, both parents passed away, only family left are my grandparents and my brother — he lives with them and his girlfriend at their place, both unemployed, living off of grandparent’s pension).
Then there’s me and my cats — I’m the only unmarried granddaughter (I’m 27 btw) who left town to live on my own, and it would be a great shame to them if I moved in at their place too, but even if they take me and I hope they will, I need to arrange moving and find a way to make money ASAP. But I just can’t. I applied to over 100 jobs during these two weeks, had one interview for a senior position 60h per week, 3 PM – 1 AM local time, every day except Sunday for a very stressful job, and I didn’t get an offer for it yet, so this is just a MAYBE, and I would need to open my own company to receive the pay since they are strictly B2B.
So — I think there’s very little chance that even if I get the job somehow I could start working as soon as I would need to in order to receive some kind of pay before I’m kicked out of the apartment with nowhere to stay in the city, and I have two cats that I love more than anything in this world and would never let them end up in some kind of shelter or on the streets, I would do anything but I’m frozen still.
I would never let my cats starve or live in a dirty environment, I’m present for them as much as I can (and that’s a lot since I don’t really leave my apartment), but other than that I can’t do anything.
I feel collapsed. I hate to complain but I’m in so much pain and I can’t even afford my basic prescription meds, let alone go to the doctor and actually treat my symptoms.
Today was particularly hard because I got this awful migraine and couldn’t even keep my eyes open.
I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would mean the world, I have emotional support from my friends but they themselves say that they can’t even begin to imagine how being in this situation must feel like.
I feel like I’m on the edge but I would never get over it because I owe that to my cats, I must survive for them.