u/midnightredditlurker

He was married to someone else for 15 years before she died in a tragic accident.

Meanwhile, he was pretty much my first everything.

I know that he loves me in his own way, but I also know I'll never be number one in his heart. I'll always be second place, the consolation prize for having lost the true love of his life.

On our first Valentine's Day as a couple, he gifted me a bag. I personally didn't care that much about fancy bags, but I still thanked him and showed my appreciation.

When I first moved into his home, I saw that he had not cleared out his late wife's closet even though she had already been gone for three years at that time. And what did I find among her clothes and accessories? A collection of fancy bags.

I tried not to think too deeply about it then. But it did make me realize that the reason he bought me that bag as a gift was not because he thought I would like it, but because he knew that SHE would have.

In the years we've been together, I have never felt like the home we lived in was ours, instead of just his. This house was the one she and he lived in together, long before I was even in the picture.

I never had the heart to ask him if I could rearrange the furniture or put in decorations that would be more my style. After all, my step-children lived there too. And I didn't want them to feel like I was erasing their mother's influence. I didn't want him to feel that he wasn't allowed to keep his happy memories with her.

But, increasingly, I can't help feeling that I might still just be a guest in this house and in his life.

He has a tattoo of her name on his arm, and a tattoo of our children's names. But my name doesn't have a place on his body. And maybe not on his heart either.

He's a good man, a good father. He treats me well overall, supports me in my career.

I think he does love me, but he loves me with half of his heart.

I feel selfish asking for more. But is it wrong for me to even *want* more? I honestly don't know.