Thanks daddit, I communicated and it works!
We have an odd house in that I work from home 9-5 and my wife works 2-10 (works for a company in another country).
What it means is I've had my kid every morning and every bedtime, and wake ups (yes wakes up once a night still at 3) since they were 6 months old.
I have no social life, no sex life, no chance to care for my body, I work, parent, sleep.
To add to this, comments from other mums about how well my wife was mothering, how well she looked and how well she was doing was really fucking me off, of course she's ok muggins here's doing all the work weekdays and most weekends.
I was miserable and angry, honestly was debating a split as I felt like a servant and was not valued.
Bottom line, I realised it was me. I was passively just ignoring her, being rude, being grumpy and not going near her. she can't help the work situation.
So I tested hugging and kissing her first thing when she joins us and it's worked wonders. I've explained I want to become more intimate (for the lurker mums we want cuddles and kisses we are not just trying to shag you despite what relationship t*KT*k tells you, and dads joke flirting does not work they feel it's bartering for their body).
She explained all her feelings and validated id been a dick, I didn't get offended and we've planned a path forward. That night she said she was off to bed and I chose to workout, she also put our kid to bed earlier (it's a national holiday) and wow, I was so happy.
We've agreed for more safe chats until we are back to ourselves, so wish me luck and communicating works.