Terrified of being alone forever
I'm 22 and just got out of a long-term, long-distance relationship. This guy and I were essentially best friends when we were both awkward teens. Five years later, he messaged me saying he wanted to break up.
It's hard letting go. He was not the greatest partner; he wasn't even good, but I am still as awkward as I was in high school (essentially, I am a big nerd who loves spending time at home). He cheated on me a couple of times, but I always forgave him with the hopes of him changing for the better, but also because I was so terrified of spending the rest of my life single.
I don't like parties. I don't like going out that much. I'm super shy and awkward. I also can't handle casual hook-ups and situationships. I'm terrified of meeting new people and letting someone new in, but even more I'm terrified of not ever finding someone to love again.
It's only been 2 days since. I'm going through the pain of break-up right now. I can't sleep, I can't eat properly, I can barely get out of bed and hardly ever stop crying. But I don't think I'm grieving him, more like the idea of having a person to lean on, sleep next to, hang out with etc.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? Does it get any better?