finally confronted my ex-friend who stole 100$ worth of supplies from me
yesterday i faced my fears and confronted my ex friend face to face for ghosting me after i asked him to return my painting supplies in around nov. of 2024. before that we had gone on a trip to san francisco because i had some flight credits i needed to use up and there was an artist we both liked who was playing there, so my flight credits covered half his expenses. the trip ended very awkwardly for reasons that are complicated, but the TLDR was that he told me i was being a bad friend on the whole trip because i hadn’t asked him about a very specific thing he had been going through. i was under the assumption that if we were in a different state enjoying our time, he didn’t want to talk about it and i didn’t want to bring his mood down. it was a case of a miscommunication but after the trip he ghosted me and then asked for the painting supplies a month later, the ghosted me again after i asked for them back.
after that he acted very fake to me. we both attend this youth group that does camping trips and he would come up and hold me hostage for conversations acting like nothing happened. it was so confusing i didn’t really have the chance to be like hey, wtf is going on? later i found out that he had been telling people he didn’t fuck with me but was coming up and having conversations with me. once he even asked to play a board game with me.
i had found out during this time that i was obviously not the only person he had treated like shit. he dumped a friend who helped him around the house after his top surgery because he “couldn’t repay the favor, and i feel guilty any time im around you.” he said to me(multiple times) and multiple other people whenever they’d smoke (not even offering to him) that he only smoked with people he planned to sleep with. so much bs i don’t have time to get into
about a month ago i had talked about this with my new therapist and about my anxieties of seeing this guy at the youth group, and she had told me to write down a list of what he had taken from me, state a date i expected the things back and to show up to his place if he didn’t give them back. i did it, it was super scary as confrontation is something that historically hasn’t gone well for me and walked away from handing him the note shaking, but i did it. came back on the date i told him, and of course he hadn’t returned the stuff. at this point i obviously don’t really care about the painting supplies, im just done with letting people walk all over me and get away with it.
i planned to go to his apartment yesterday to get the stuff, but i saw him at the youth group so i just walked up to him instead. this is how the conversation went:
me- so am i getting my painting supplies back?
him- so i didn’t have a way of contacting you, but my cat had peed over your supplies and they weren’t able to be salvaged so that’s why they were never returned.
(his cat was rehomed a month before i gave him the painting supplies)
me- okay, i don’t understand why you didn’t tell me this sooner.
him- i didn’t have a way of contacting you, my phone was stolen.
me- that’s not true, we went on all those camping trips together. why didn’t you tell me then.
him- i was under the impression that we had estranged.
me- …you came up and talked to me multiple times.
him- no, i was respecting my boundaries.
me- by not giving me the stuff back that i let you borrow?
him- no. i think you are misremembering things.
me- okay well, i got my answer. have a good day.
i left shortly after that. was nervous as fuck the whole time we were talking but i have my closure, it’s done now! here’s hoping i respect myself enough to not let shit like this happen to me again.