My Child Ran Away, and It’s The Best Thing That Ever Happened
I’m sorry if this is long, or confusing. My emotions are all over the place at the moment, but I’m hoping getting them out will help some.
In late 2020 my child (now 17) moved out of state to live with their bio dad. Due to Covid and money constraints we weren’t really able to visit much, but we texted, called, and FaceTimed regularly. In 2023 they moved to a different state. My child constantly had reactions on their phone, including not being able to text or call me, so I had to call my ex’s phone. My child never indicated there were any problems, which I later found out was being their dad made them sit in the same room while they talked to me. My ex kept telling me things were good, child was doing well in school, etc. Throughout the time they were away my husband made multiple attempts to reach out, but never got a response, even when I knew my child had their phone. They would still talk when we called. We would later find out that my ex had blocked my husband on their phone, which actually led to my child thinking he hated them. I would also later find out that my 14 year old was left home alone for 4 days while my ex went to a music festival in another state. The trip was supposed to be 3 days (which is still not okay to leave them home alone), but they decided to stay an extra day to do shrooms (he has told me this himself). I also found out that during this time the restrictions on my child’s phone would only allow them to contact their father or his wife. He is also a yeller. He will put you down over the littlest thing, and go out of his way to make you feel like shit. This is why we divorced, however, he was never like that with the kids, he was always a loving father, so I didn’t expect it to be happening. Boy was I wrong.
Reasons for losing their phone? *Their SIBLING told them to call CPS, my child didn’t even respond. *They were late for school. Why were they late? They had to walk the 2 miles to school, while their physical health was so bad they were walking with a cane. *They didn’t turn in an assignment and got a 0 on it. The paper was done, but they forgot it at home, and my ex wouldn’t take it to the school (he was not working) because “it’s your responsibility”, which I do understand, but our child does have a chronic condition that messes with their memory.
In December of 2023 my child ran away. They were eventually found by the cops and taken home. My child begged the cop to listen, but was told they were just being dramatic. Once the cop left the yelling and name calling started. The next day (Tuesday) when my child came downstairs they were told that they were ruining his marriage. His wife also informed my 15 year old that because of them she wanted to unalive herself. Who says that to a child? (I could go on about the things she has done and said about/to my kids, but that would be even more of a novel). My child (the baby) was always the sweetest, most loving kid. They were well behaved, and loved school.
That same Tuesday I woke up to a voicemail stating that they would be here Saturday to drop off my child because they were no longer welcome in his home. At the time I had whooping cough and was incredibly sick, so I was only partially aware of what was going on. I had spoken to the cops when they were looking for my child, and once they were home my ex let me know, but ignored my calls.
When my child got back they were very reclusive, and barely left the room or talked to us. They didn’t talk to me much. I found out this was because my ex and his wife had told them that we didn’t want them back here. I assured my child that I wanted them home with me more than anything, and the only reason I hadn’t tried sooner was because their dad made it out like they were doing great. I got them into therapy, and they are doing much better. We hang out, they hang out with my husband, with friends, with their siblings. Their smile is as bright as it was when they were a little kid. And, after 6 doctors and specialists we finally have answers about their health, and they are doing much better. My ex hasn’t spoken to my child since they moved back, except the generic holiday texts he sends all of the kids. He also hasn’t paid a penny in child support since our divorce 9 years ago - I’m in the process of getting enforcement involved. My husband is also in the process of adopting my child (they are the only minor of the 3, though he plans to adopt the other 2 if they want). When I brought up the adoption to my ex he instantly agreed to sign away his rights. Not even the slightest hesitation.
All of this came up because they wrote an essay for their English class about the night they ran away, and they asked me to edit it. There was so much in there that I didn’t know about. By the end I was full on bawling. My husband got home from work while I was reading and ran to my side to find out what was wrong, because I was honestly a blubbering mess.
I take solace in the fact that my child is happy, and on the way to healthy. But I will never forgive my ex for what he put our child through. I will always carry a guilt in my heart for not doing something, though my child keeps reminding me that I didn’t know, and I tell them mom guilt is a hell of a thing.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. It ended up much longer than I expected!