17F dreams of being a medico but is medico really the path for me.?
Alright here’s my story ig.
All my life I’ve seen financial struggles. My life has never been stable and I got nerfed by having strict parents. I wasn’t allowed to go out, hang out with my friends, use anyyyy sort of electronics, talk to any guys, have mixed friend groups, etc. I had strict curfews and even when I tried bonding with my female friends, my parents would try to guilt trip me and try to make me realise that only family will stay forever with u forever? See, I lovee my parents to the moon n backkk and im so grateful to have them but, somewhere along all this, I’ve realised that maybe I won’t ever have the freedom I see others having and yearn sm for and I started moulding into what you call “a quiet and obedient child”.
Fast forward to May 2023, when I freshly started my 10th grade, I noticed that I had a lot of passion towards biology. I used to do research, read to medical cases, listen to podcasts, loved learning more and this was pulling me in fast and strong. And naturally, I knew that I wanted to become a doctor. However, in October, things in my life took a turn. Financial problems became worse, we kept shifting continuously for 5months.
Then, in May 2024, started real hell. We lived in a house where we weren’t welcomed. I joined 11th taking PCB, hoping that someday I will go home and I can focus on my studies n dreams. I used to try escaping to my coaching’s hostel but I was bullied and targeted there for things I couldn’t control and it worsened when we couldn’t pay the fees. So, I started skipping and I skipped for months all together. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and it only kept getting worse and harder to breathe. I felt so suffocated. I wasn’t allowed any food when my parents were out for work, used to listen to their taunts 24/7, stayed alone every second, cut off all ties with friends and isolated myself.
In November 2024, my parents pulled a lotta strings and we finally rented a house. But we still couldn’t afford my fees and due to a lot of other things, I fell into depression. My entire body functions slowing down, losing appetite, losing track of time, gaining and losing weight frequently which caused smm body dysmorphia that smtimes I hated even a single thought of myself in my mind. By this time, I had lost all mental motivation of becoming a doctor because I needed to earn money and stabilise my family fast, which aren’t really things a medico can afford if I’m being honest.
In January 2025, my dad paid the fees and I’ve scored 97% in my boards, which was a pretty proud moment ngl cause I worked a lot for that. Time passed and June 2025, rolled around when I realised that my coaching’s educational standards were dropping real bad. So, I begged and pleaded and by September, I was given an online course to prepare for neet. Now that I have my resources, I’ll finally be able to study and crack neet.. right? Nope wrong. I fell into the same things that I used to use to take my mind off of things. Music, maladaptive daydreaming, making online friends, doomscrolling, listening to podcasts, watching movies, etc. I used to stare at a blank wall up to 2hrs (smh I learnt which calmed my brain). I did attend lectures a bit.
By January 2026, I started preparing for boards and I gave them without even paying fees. Thank god my coaching admins understood that it’s not my fault and gave us time. Pretty grateful ngl. Now it’s April and I’m not sure if I even wanna be a medico anymore. I’m scoring 300s to 400s in my neet mock tests. I’m studying for 10 to 12hrs in which 3hrs is mock test and 2hrs is paper analysis daily. And ig I’m trying my best? Im studying till late and waking up as early as 3am. Im not sure.. Im so confused.. I’m thinking of switching paths to law or mba, maybe..?
Alright, lemme tell you the reasons why I don’t wanna take medicine anymore
I want to stabilise my family fast.
I want flexibility in work hours and not 24/7 labour.
I want atleast a tiny bit of freedom in my workspace.
Even after 15+ years of studying, there’s no guarantee that you’ll get a job in a good hospital (according to safety, security, pay, work environment).
If im being completely honest, medicine doesn’t attract me as much as it used to either.. I used to be so fascinated now it’s so.. idk.
So hm- I yearn for financial freedom and independence. Freedom to live my life doing things I love doing. The same thing that I once dreamt of is now my scariest nightmare. The horror of realising that I don’t wanna follow this path itself is eating me alive, and on top of that, the mere thought of having to convince my parents to let me change is so horrifying. I love them sm and I don’t wanna hurt them but idk what to do. I feel so lost. I don’t even have any other talents to pursue..
Thanks for reading allat :) do share your opinion maybe it’ll help me out. Lots of love, L <3