spanking on the bare bottom as a child
would you guys consider this to be sexual abuse? when i was around 4-8(?) my grandpa used to take me out back into this wooded area of his property where no one could see and literally beat the shit out of me with switches he would find, the ones that he knew would hurt most and wack me as hard as he possibly could until i couldn’t even walk and or i was bleeding. i’m diagnosed audhd and i didn’t really listen or behave well as a child so the only punishment i got from my grandpa was him making me pull my pants and underwear down and hurting me. i don’t know what to consider it as and my parents said it’s not sa. i was the only girl young in the family at the time and the only kid who had to pull their pants fully down for him and thinking about it makes me so scared. it stopped when i started developing more and taking form. i also swear he did something else but i can never remember i always feel like more happened but i can never put my finger on it unfortunately no matter how hard i think about it. i talked to more of my family about it because his children got spanked too but i was the only one who had underwear exposed.
in addition i remember him getting mad at me one time and pulling his car over into a random parking lot with my grandma and my grandmother on my mom’s side ( who was literally horrified ) and dragging my knees onto the concrete until they bleed so badly i could barely walk.
he almost got the cops called on him for attempted assult of a child at a wedding recently and it makes me sad to see he’s never changed.
i’m 20 now but i think it’s given me a lot of issues and i genuinely think my potential bpd started from some of this? is that even possible. i always feel so stuck and lost and disgusting for letting him do what he did to me. he is notoriously not a good person and my grandma has never really stepped in or said anything even though she’s witnessed a lot of it happening. i know his kids ( mainly the girls ) grew up very scared of him and would hide when he came home.
i can’t get professional help at the moment but when i’ve talked to my past therapists about the spanking part they’ve never really said anything so it’s always left me with a lot of questions.