u/lobotomy-cuntbag

anytime I need to send an email (or even write a reddit post) it usually takes me a minimum of 3 hours and upwards of 8 hours across multiple days depending on my perceived importance of said email.

I will re-read it, edit it, spend hours writing out sections, realize I’ve over explained, delete it, try to summarize what I wrote, feel it’s missing nuance, write another wall of text, realize I’ve over explained, delete it, and it goes on and on.

I experience extreme distress at the thought of sending an email without covering every minute detail, but feel a deep amount of shame looking at the wall of text I am about to bestow upon another person.

I just recently realized this is a compulsion and so now that I’m aware of it it’s become even more distressing, to the point where today I started crying because I became so paralyzed not knowing how to find a middle ground.

I was able to walk away from my computer today but ultimately wasted 4 hours of my day, it’s like I’m in a trance and I don’t even realize how much time I’ve spent on it and even when I become acutely aware, I literally can’t stop. I tell myself “okay just let me figure out this one last paragraph and I’ll send it” and then proceed to continue the edit delete retype cycle.

I have been diagnosed for 10 years but no one ever explained to me what OCD really was, for about 5 or 6 years I thought it was a misdiagnosis and it’s only been the last 3ish months that I’ve realized how deeply this disorder is embedded in every aspect of my life.

I plan on seeking ERP soon, but for now I just need some advice on this because this constant battle between my rational self and my compulsions is exhausting and, at times, scary.

please help :’(