How to avoid triangulation with a close meta
Hello,
So my situation is that I met someone, Tomato, and had started connecting with the idea of friendship that might turn into more. At the time I was in conflict with my partner Cherry and we were taking a break. I had long talks with Tomato about what was going on, because our conflict was largely about polyamory and the things it was bringing up between us. Tomato is also poly and so it was really nice to talk with someone who could understand some of the issues we were facing. I didn't disparage Cherry but talked about my feelings and about what was going on.
Fast forward a few months, Cherry and I reconciled and are going to couple's therapy and have done a lot of work. Unexpectedly, Cherry and Tomato have started exploring a potential relationship, while my relationship with Tomato has stayed on more of a friendship level.
The other day, I was chatting with Tomato about some of their own relationship troubles with another partner and they asked me something about the timeline of my previous conflict with Cherry. I slipped into complaining about a current conflict with Cherry and then stopped when I realized it was bad. Apologized to Tomato who said that no harm was done.
I really want to avoid triangulation. I don't want to influence meta (Tomato) negatively towards Cherry now that they're maybe starting something together. I spoke more freely in the past because it wasn't something that was on the horizon as a possibility.
My question is whether folks have tips on how to navigate a friendship with a meta where we talk about what it's like to be poly, without turning that into a conflict of interest for the meta. If that makes sense?