Giving up on having your own children to become a stepmom…
Context: I’m in my early 30s, SO in his early 40s with two kids (8 and 10). We’ve been dating for years, always open about our future regarding children. He’s worried he’s getting too old to have another child. I’m not 100% sure I’m willing to risk my fertility window to gamble on being with him forever. I’m convinced he’s my forever person, but if it doesn’t work out I’m worried I’ll regret not having my own children. His children are great/respectful, he’s a great dad, perfect supportive partner to me, BM unstable but I expected that given their messy divorce which he initiated.
Can someone who is/was in the same situation as me provide any advice? Is it worth it being with your “soulmate” to give up on having your own kids? I can’t imagine having a stronger connection with anyone else, anyone else would feel like settling. I’m not baby crazy, pregnancy scares me every year older I get, always was open to the possibility of adoption too. But I do feel the social pressure to have one of my own. My friends (all starting to have kids now) keep asking me uncomfortable/annoying questions like if he wants more kids almost once a month. The same friends all make motherhood sound very stressful they hated pregnancy and struggle to connect with their newborns and their husband’s have lazy parenting styles.
I feel conflicted most of the time about the topic. I have a 6 figure job/full-time career, so my life does have “purpose” outside of kids. Wasted a decade on a physically/verbally abusive ex, which also contributed to me being still unmarried at this point in my life. Part of me always feels insecure about my age and being unmarried. Probably because my ex used to insult me about it constantly for not staying with him. I know this is a very personal topic, but any advice is appreciated.