u/koweli

it's been years but i still miss her. i had a pygmy hedgehog. she was adorable. but i was struggling so much to change her water and food, cleaning her tank out especially, and my family wouldn't help.

at the time, my POTS was also unmedicated and not taken seriously. i often fainted from cleaning the tank, standing by the heat lamp, and kept being told to "stop huffing" every time i was sorting her out (i felt like i couldn't breathe).

i had to beg for months to rehome her. she deserved so much better. i lost all contact with her and never saw her again. i don't know who she went to. i think she would be dead now.

i don't really know why it's hitting me now. i don't think i really grieved about it when it happened. i just really miss her. i loved her. i'd love to have a pet hedgehog again but i justthfhf ahh :((

i just keep seeing how much this illness has taken away from me. i barely experienced school. i only lasted maybe 2 terms max in college. i'm missing out on university now... i hate it.

i'm nearing 2 years on diy T. i've been experiencing atrophy which has been really uncomfortable and painful – everything just feels sensitive and tighter and it's quite inconvenient.

the ovesse estrogen cream is working but it's just... really unpleasant and messy. i can handle inserting it if it means i won't be in physical pain, however the day after applying it really sucks.

the amount i didn't absorb has to leave, obviously, and it feels terrible to say the least. i dread it each time. it doesn't hurt, i just hate the feeling of it coming out and i hate needing to wear pads because of it.

my hormone levels are within a decent range. i don't want to lower my dose. i'm happy with it. it's just the pain & sensitivity. again, it seems to be getting better or at least minimised but ahfhfhf :/

i just really, really hate how i'm treated by the GP. i've switched to a much better one than i had before — they're not pretending they can't read blood tests or anything. but i am *always* lectured about how bad diy is and it's just so stressful for me.

i'm also really anxious as to what they'd do to test for atrophy. i hate the idea of it all so much :(