u/kellan1523

I've been with my husband for ten years and married for three years. On my wedding weekend in 2023, I asked my MIL if I could start calling her by her first name rather than Mrs. OurLastName since it sounded far too formal, and she got very flustered and refused. She said maybe some other day. But she acted so odd about it that everyone around at the time looked at me like 'what the heck is her problem?'. I tried to bring it up a second time that weekend over brunch and she left the table.

Fast forward three years and she still refuses to let me call her by her first name, maintaining that I only call her Mrs. OurLastName. But everybody else calls her by her first name. Literally everybody. I am the only person she makes call her by a formal title. For three years now I have taken to not calling her anything specific because I refuse to encourage her idiotic rule.

Today this whole thing set me off again because I received a text from her with the usual beginning: "Hi OP, it's Mrs. OurLastName-" like I don't know her? The only reason I can imagine she would introduce herself that way every time is because she wants to assert dominance over who the real Mrs. OurLastName is. Like I have no claim to that name. She has shown a lot of uncomfortable instances of emotional incest toward my husband (literally a quarter of our wedding photos show her possessively gripping his hand). Another boy mom who isn't beating the allegations.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but my husband actually agreed with it and my FIL also partially agreed when my husband mentioned part of the situation to him (just everything minus the emotional incest accusation). My mom agrees too when I've shown her the texts and explained the way she talks to me.

I have taken to starting off my replies to her with "Hey! It's *also* Mrs. OurLastName-" and she hates it. Earlier today I did respond to her text with "Maybe we could just start using first names? It's been three years." She responded with just dot dot dot dot and asking me the same thing as her original text (she wanted my husband to call her for like the fourth time today). So I answered her question and told her "Sorry if that came off as rude, it just feels odd to still have to call you Mrs. OurLastName after all these years like we aren't family." No answer.

I have watched for years as other people call her by her first name or nickname without any issue. Even just acquaintances. But for some reason she loses her mind at the idea of me calling her that. I just really cannot see any reason for it except that it makes her feel superior to me somehow. Like she's really his wife and I'm not. My husband even told me he gets that feeling too, he just doesn't know what to do about it.

Any insight I might not be seeing here? Or any advice on how to handle this?

Also sorry if this was tough to follow, my brain's been a bit foggy from a recent injury. Thanks in advance!