dear men please help
me (21f) and my boyfriend have been dating for around 3 and a half months. i’ve had multiple relationships before but this is the first time i’ve actually felt this safe and cared for in one, and i have bpd/borderline tendencies so trust is really hard for me.
we originally met because he thought i was pretty, but i kept rejecting/pushing him away because he didn’t seem trustworthy to me at first. instead of giving up, he kept trying to make me feel safe. he posted me everywhere, made me his profile picture, introduced me to his family, took risks for me because i told him if he wanted me to trust him he had to invest in me/show me he was serious. he even gave me a ring because he said he genuinely saw a future with me.
the thing is, even though he’s been emotionally invested from the beginning, i only recently started fully showing my feelings back because i was scared. he always knew i cared though and was patient about it.
today we got way more intimate than before for the first time, but now i feel extremely uncomfortable and anxious afterwards. he checked on me a few times and asked if i was okay, but honestly i said yes even though i wasn’t fully sure. now my brain is convincing me that he’s going to use me, lose interest, or that if he really loved me he “wouldn’t be able to touch me” or something.
guys especially: if you were genuinely in love with a girl, would being intimate with her make you lose feelings/respect? or is that just my fear talking? i genuinely can’t tell if i’m overthinking or if this feeling means something is wrong. im losing my mind rn…