Need advice about Regret
I (36F) have been dating my bf (34M) for about 2 years now. When I met him I was really looking for someone to settle down with, and now looking back I see that I may have pushed him in this direction when he wasn’t ready (meaning he wasn’t looking to get married any time soon, was not saving for a future family, living the bachelor life etc.). However now, he’s all in and wants to make me happy. I can’t help but feel resentment that I have to help him pivot his lifestyle and walk him through “growing up” in a lot of ways.
On top of all this, about a year ago (2025), I realized how much I missed the relationship I had with my ex (always was serious about me, ambitious, smart, family oriented, a huge mental and emotional support). We had dated only for a year in 2020-2021 but stayed close friends (yet he always held the door open for us to try again) up until I started dating my bf in 2024. Looking back I was very immature in that time in my life and sabotaged that relationship over superficial things (mainly family pressure that I shouldn’t date him because he’s not the same religion, although it wasn’t important to me that he isn’t but felt too much pressure from family nonetheless) although he was always patient with me.
I can’t help comparing my ex with my current relationship (great sweet guy but immature, not too much of a leader or ambitious, and not a great conversationalist) and miss so much what I once had.
I’m torn between letting go of the past and trying to make the best of my relationship now, or ending my relationship as these thoughts I’m having are not fair to him, and finding someone new. I would really like to have kids and a family so my age is pressuring me to make a decision.
I’m living everyday with pain of regret and often cry when I think of my ex, feels like a death. I feel no happiness out of anything in life that I used to and worry that I’ll continue to feel this way in the future. He’d been such a huge part of my life and I failed to realize how safe I felt with him and how much I enjoyed his company. (My ex is engaged now and we have had no communication since he starting dating her.) Please any advice especially if you’ve experienced something similar.