What's on the tin. Hot guy at Skaha around 6pm tonight. Shirtless, athletic with tattoos. Was with another dude in a black shirt.
How you doin? I'm very interested in connecting. Long shot he's even on Reddit but shootin' my shot 'cause Tinder suuucks 🥲
My ex and I separated in 2024. 2 kids - 5 and 3.5 now. His doing. Not listening, being a shit partner, crossing a very clear boundary. I could've communicated more but... Trust was broken. I have a history of SA and trauma so this wasn't something I could move past. Not that he did much to help other than stonewall me and make it out like I was blaming him for everything. 🙄
Anyway. His thing is control and when he feels he's losing it with me (hasn't had any since we separated but he's a little delusional) he does something significant. Last year he attempted. 2 days before my kids 4th birthday party and a week before his actual birthday. Running a toddlers birthday party 2 days after that kind of phone call was... Something.
Never took accountability for that. Cool. Whatever. I've done a lot of letting go for our kids sake. I just keep myself distanced from him.
This year though. This year I have a new found rage and I am finding it hard to handle. I'm in therapy lol. But fuck. I just need to rant a bit... He attempted again this year (both times were after a huge fight we had....) except he used a gun this time. Shot part of his head off. He's fine now, like literally fine other than minor deafness in one ear.
Obviously I have 100% custody now (we were 50/50 and it was the first time since becoming a mother that I had actual time to myself; iykyk). I'm also 100% financially responsible for them because he's obviously not working.
New schedule request from him: wants to take 1 kid each day of the weekend for 3 hours. Okay. Cool. My kids love him so I'm not gonna keep them away.
But how the hell do I deal with the rage that after EVERYTHING he did, the absolute hell he put me through... He gets off totally free and gets to be the seasonal, fun, weekend dad?
I am at the point where I think beating the shit out of him might help lol. Not really. But I am filled with a rage that is intense. Idk what I'm posting for, honestly. Ranting? I feel bad to keep ranting to my friends about it. Not that I do it often, but I'm very cognizant of when I do. The whole trying not to be a burden and a downer lol.
If anyone has tips on how to get over this rage, or manage it better than intense daydreams of violent assault, I am so open to hear them 🥲