Parent Unable to Live Alone
My (44F) mother (72) had major heart surgery seven months ago. She didn’t want to give up her independence and insisted on staying in her home 2,500 miles away from my sister and me. We stayed with her following the surgery to make sure she was ready to be alone again, and once she felt she was on good footing on her own, we returned to our homes, families, and jobs. She had an overnight hospital stay over New Years and they adjusted her pacemaker, but we otherwise thought she was doing well. She even completed her cardiac rehabilitation.
We got word from her neighbor last night that she is back in the hospital. Turns out she has not been taking her diabetes medication and removed her glucose monitor a week ago and didn’t replace it. She said she forgot. Her blood sugar was 1,300 when she was admitted last night. The hospital got it under control and it was back down to 145 this evening, and she’ll be fine, but it basically means that she cannot live alone anymore, and she agrees. I’m headed to her place in a couple of days to pack her up and move her across country to live with me as soon as her doctors clear her for travel. Luckily, my sister and I will be “sharing custody” of Mom, so she’ll live with me in the summers and my sister in the winters. My sister can’t have pets, so the animals will live with me year round.
I’m divorced, work from home, my 3 adult children (19, 20, 21) still live with me, and I have two big dogs and a cat. I have a large enough house that everyone is able to have their own room, but it’s already full and constantly busy. Adding my mother, her big dog (Rottweiler) and her two cats to the mix, means we are going to be busting at the seams.
My mother and I get along well enough, but I had a difficult childhood and have had to overcome what I consider to be an abusive childhood from multiple fronts, including a few times at her hand. There has always been a strained undercurrent in our interactions since I’ve been an adult. She did not like my ex-husband and chose to be absent in my and my kids lives rather than deal with him. Then 9 years ago, she moved to the other side of the country. I’ve only seen her a few times since then.
I’m feeling really overwhelmed by what my life is going to look like going forward. I could really use some encouragement and advice from my peers that have gone through something similar? I don’t know how to handle all of this.