Acceptable behaviours in a relationship (45F, 35F).
I am struggling to make sense of my last relationship. It only lasted 8 months, but it was monogamous and committed. There was deep love on both sides (45F me, 35F her).
It ended because my ex said I was too emotional. I do get very emotional (there is a lot going on in my life), and I also struggled with some of their behaviours. They said that their behaviours were standard and that I "knew what I was getting into." I feel so uncertain about this as they are right in a way, but I also feel let down. Are these behaviours acceptable in a loving relationship?:
Communication embargoes (no communication for 24 hours for example)
No texting about emotional issues
Need for space - Seeing each other once a week on Sunday evening
Maintaining an emotional connection with an ex
Controlling activities and who we see
Not spending time with friends unless they are mutual
Controlling big emotions or shutting them down
About two months after we broke up, they wanted to reconnect. We talked for a while about this, and then, a month later, they changed their mind and asked to "debrief to wrap things up." They said that they were not responsible for this as I had emailed them about emotional issues when they asked for no emotional text communication. I am not sure about this either. I feel like it was unfair to ask to reconnect without being fully ready, but I'm not sure if they have a point. I sent about 10 emails (we stopped using WhatsApp as I find it too difficult because it was a history of our relationship) in three months and brought up many emotional issues because I was struggling with the reconnection. I struggled to communicate my needs in person and so emailed them. This included describing things I thought they should be accountable for (from the list above). They got very angry and blocked me a few times.
I should add that I was raised by a narcissist, so I struggle with boundaries, and my anxious attachment means my priority is keeping the relationship going. This is my third relationship, and I have always struggled with relationships ending, but this feels like it maybe it was for the best as these behaviours seem a bit off. I am an emotional person and can be intense so maybe it was my fault.
I know this is likely the anxious-avoidant loop, but it would be great to understand if I should've given them more space and looked after all of their needs more.
Footnote: this is obviously a very short summary and doesn't include everything that happened or her perspective. i also think she's an amazing person and I can see that she struggles a lot with relationships, romantic and platonic, in general.