ADHD and the "fix-it" loop.
does anyone else with adhd feel like a total monster when their partner is sick? my girlfriend is really nauseous and in pain right now (because of the flu) and i love her more than anything, but i’m struggling because i have this massive internal pressure in my chest that makes me literally want to scream because i feel so useless.
i’ve tried everything to be a "good partner" today. her family is handling the physical stuff, so i felt like i had no role. i tried to help the only way i could—i spent hours hyper-fixating on finishing a ton of work for her to take that load off her plate. i’ve tried sitting in silence like she asked, but nothing works for my brain. i finally snapped and started throwing a bitch fit because everything hit me at once. i was already redlining from the sensory trigger of hearing her winces, and i was desperate for some kind of "win" to prove i wasn't useless. when i showed her the work and she didn't have the energy to acknowledge it, it felt like a total rejection of the only help i could give. my brain couldn't process the "unfinished" feeling of the situation, and that pressure turned into aggressive yelling. i feel disgusting because hearing her in pain makes me feel "itchy" and irritable. because i can't fix it, my brain just turns helplessness into anger. even though she’s explicitly told me she’ll ask for help, i can’t trust that. i feel a desperate need to be doing something, and when i can't, i explode. it makes me feel worse because she’s texting me saying she feels lonely and asking "what can i do to help," even apologizing for "making me work too much." she's the one suffering, but she’s trying to comfort me because she can feel me spiraling!!!!?!?!?! i'm stuck in a massive shame spiral feeling worthless and petty. how do you guys force your brain to shut up and be a "safe harbor" when you’re overstimulated and frustrated that they're hurting? has anyone else felt this pressure where "nothing works" to calm your brain down?