u/imnotohfuckingk

I have struggled with BPD, depression and PTSD for most of my 47 years. I have been to a 40 day inpatient facility, been on 72 hour holds 8 times. I was held on Title 47 in Alaska for over a week (psych hold that requires a judges order to be released.) I have trialed almost every medication. I have done intensive outpatient DBT twice. Absolutely nothing worked. I’d get a little better and then my symptoms always came back with a vengeance. I have been labeled “difficult to treat.”

I started ketamine Infusions as my psychiatrist suggested. He was out of ideas and thought outside the box. I have had 6 treatments. It is actually really helping. My anger has subsided, no splits, and when I hear something that used to set me off I remain calm.

I am shocked at how effective it has been. I haven’t had a day where I felt mentally good that I can ever remember. I have struggled to want to end my life since I was 6 years old. The clouds have lifted and I can see the light for the first time. My PTSD flashbacks have disappeared, and my triggers don’t make me break down. I am still on all my regular medications as well and maybe that combo was exactly what I needed.

I know it isn’t for everyone, but this is literally the first time in my life that I feel like there is a possibility of long term recovery. Maybe I’m not such a lost cause after all. Just wanted to share my experience in case your provider suggests them.

I wish you all can achieve the peace that people with BPD desperately need. Just wanted you to know that there is hope. You just gotta find the right treatment for you. Everyone has different needs and recovery isn’t a straight line.