u/imma-stargirl

hi! so i’m seeing a dentist on tuesday, but i’m really panicking in the meantime. i grind my teeth pretty severely and i always have. lately, all of my teeth have been sort of aching, which prompted me to make the appointment. i have only ever had one cavity in my life when i was 13 (i’m 29 now), and i don’t remember how it felt.

when i was brushing my teeth tonight, i was anxiously looking for signs of cavities in my bottom teeth. for the first time in a while, i tried to check my top teeth, and noticed some darkness in my upper right molar. my cavity from when i was a kid was in my upper molar at the very back, but i can’t remember which molar it was.

could this be a cavity? a lost filling? something from grinding my teeth? should i go to an emergency dentist tomorrow? i’ve never really had dental trouble and i’m more than a little scared. any guidance or input would be so appreciated. thank you so much.

i’ve been doing so poorly for so long. people used to care a lot. they used to ask me if i was okay, some used to hold me, they used to listen to me vent, they used to be there for me, they used to ask if i’d eaten or slept.

now, it’s been three years of constant misery, and everyone is tired of me being so bad. “you can let it out” “that must hurt a lot” has changed to “i’m not doing this with you tonight” “stop the pity party”

i am so profoundly depressed, and this is not helping at all. the hole is so deep i don’t see the light anymore. i can’t picture myself getting better. i’m on meds, i see a therapist every week, i’m doing homework in a workbook. but nothing can make it easier that i have to be alone so much right now.

i’ve never sat with myself, listened to myself, depended on myself. i don’t know how to make decisions on my own and not regret my choices. i don’t know how to comfort myself (clearly). i’m trying to learn to do that now and i wish i had done it when people cared still. it would’ve been miserably lonely either way, but at least then, i’d have known i could go to someone if i really needed to.

i wish i wasn’t so ill. i wish i didn’t push people away trying to not be left. i wish i knew how to get better, i wish i could remember happiness, i wish i could have hope that my life won’t always be like this.

i could’ve been married. i could’ve had a normal and happy life. instead, i’m taking a mood stabilizer, and my doctor is suggesting brain stimulation therapy. i could’ve been normal and happy, but my fiancé left, and my whole life was ruined.

it would mean a lot if someone could even pretend to care

cavity, lost filling, something else?