my mother’s 13th death anniversary is on wednesday and tonight i’m crying like a baby
13 years na rin pala simula nung nawala si mama. i was in elementary nung na-diagnose sya na may cancer. basta alam ko lang nung nalaman ko na may ganoong sakit sya, di ko na sya makakasama nang matagal. my mom didn’t make it and i guess my father did try, to be there for her, but cancer really worsened my mother’s physical and mental health.
now i have my first big girl job. daming setbacks nung nawala si mama. parang taon-taon lagi kaming sinusubok. ang hirap pala. na parang lagi ka na lang nasa listahan ng strongest soldier haha. na-survive ko naman ang college, pero andun pa rin yung inggit na sana nandito rin yung mama ko. gaya ng mga ka-edad ko. na sana may masasandalan din ako. tapos i’m so drained at my current job pa, feel ko wala akong patutunguhan. i feel so lost. just like any other 22 year olds lol.
and tonight i’m bawling my eyes out. ngayon na lang siguro ako umiyak nag ganito because i didn’t cry on her death anniversary last year. idk, work stress? family prob? or just the thought that i need my mother’s hug right now.
marami akong kasama yet i feel so alone. hay. hanggang kailan ba kasi ako magpapaka-strong? napapagod na ako.