I might have done the thing that looses me my job today. And i fear I wont find another.And its my fault alone.
I might just have done something at work today that might loose me my job.
And i was caught.
I wont pretend it wouldnt be justified. Finding a job was SO fucking hard already. IT is oversaturated. German Economy isnt good already and only likely to get worse.
If i get fired i dont think ill ever find one again.
Im so scared.
And the worst think is i dont even know if anything will happen.
This could all blow over. Or i get called into an office tomorrow, or in a week, or a month. or several.
I cant clear this up without guaranteeing im done for.
So untill that day comes. All i have is fear. And i cant even talk about it to someone at home. I got off of work 2 hours ago. the thing happened half an hour before that.
My hands havent stopped shaking. My ears are ringing.
Im not crying. Not jet. That ll be tonight.
When the night makes everything seem worse.
And the worst thing is that its all my fault, and nothing can be undone now. I hate myself.
Thoughts turning dark. Anything else i am feeling would likely be removed by moderation.
Just... Wish me luck ok? Not that i deserve it.