My best friend/roommate wants me, my boss wants me, and I think I’m about to ruin my life.
I (19F) live with my best friend/roommate (19F). We’ve been friends for around 11 years and honestly our relationship has always felt a littleeee emotionally intense? She constantly jokes that she doesn’t need a boyfriend because I’m “better than one,” makes sexual jokes toward me all the time, and we even kissed once briefly in middle school. I always brushed it off as us being really close/joking around.
The issue is that lately it feels less like joking.
We sleep in each other’s beds a lot, she gets kind of possessive sometimes, and there’s just very obvious tension. The confusing part is she has a boyfriend, although they’re constantly on/off and their relationship is messy.
At the SAME time, I also have a crush on our boss (40M). 🫠. Before anyone says it, yes I know the age gap is insane. But he’s definitely shown interest back. Within my first month working there he gave me $300 as a gift, buys me coffee, offers me free food secretly even though he could get in trouble for it, offers rides, etc. It doesn’t feel completely one-sided.
And to make it even messier: we ALL work together. I’m a host and my roommate used to be up front with me before becoming a server, and I honestly believe she suspects I like him. She acts suspicious and jealous about it frequently.
I feel insane because I’m attracted to BOTH of them in completely different ways and I feel guilty about it. I don’t know if pursuing either one is a terrible idea. One could potentially ruin my friendship/living situation, the other could ruin my job and possibly my frontal lobe development.
So I guess my questions are:
Is it a horrible idea to pursue either of these people?
How do I avoid making my life a complete trainwreck while remaining honest about my feelings?
At this point I can’t tell if I’m having a bisexual crisis or just making catastrophically bad decisions recreationally. Lmk guys! 😬