According to my dad, my three kids are headed to hell
I (50F) have three adult children (all 24+) who still live at home. I have had a rocky relationship with my dad (70) going back to my childhood and I've always been much closer to my mom (my parents were together all through my childhood and my mom left him when I was in my early 20s). My dad genuinely feels like he has always been a great dad and I am not going to say he has been the worst, but he absolutely could have done better.
Just as some minor backstory, growing up, we were very active with our church (Methodist). We as in me, my mom, and my younger sister. I can pinpoint a small handful of times that my dad attended with us, and those times were primarily at Christmas and Easter and even then, very seldomly. He has never actively gone to church. I am sure he did as a child since my grandmother was active with her church (Southern Baptist). I do not currently go to church and haven't been active with any church in about ten or so years.
My dad has a friend from his small town he's from that is a minister at a very small Baptist church. He was in town for the weekend so he went to his friend's church. He's gone a few times when he is visiting and happens to be there on a Sunday (which happens maybe once or twice a year).
This brings us to yesterday. My dad calls and says, "Happy Easter!" I say it back and he proclaims: HE IS RISEN! It was very bizarre because not once in my fifty years of life has my dad every said anything like this to me. I said it back to him feeling very "blessed be the fruit".
He asks me what I'm doing for the day and I told him that we expected it to storm all weekend so we didn't plan anything but it is really nice out now. He asks if I went to church this morning and I said no. He asks me why not and I'm like...because I didn't? I haven't gone in a long time, and if I did start going again, it certainly wouldn't just be for Easter.
He then tells me I need to start making the kids go. I just said that I can't exactly make them go, they're adults. He said something about them not believing in God and I said I can't make them believe in anything. My oldest is agnostic, my middle is atheist, and my youngest is very spiritual, but not specifically Christian.
He then tells me that I need to put up some decor around my house like HE IS RISEN, GOD IS LOVE, etc. I said something like, "Yeah, that doesn't make people believe in God."
Then he tells me I need to make the kids go to church. Again, they are adults. I can't "make" them do anything. He says I could handcuff them. I laugh and say, "Oh yeah, I'm sure the church would love to have three handcuffed people being forced to come in."
And that's when he says that they are going to hell because they don't believe in God.
He immediately knows what he says is wrong but instead of apologizing for it, he says something to the effect of, "Anyway, let's just talk about something else."
Ummmm. No?
I said, "Okay, so you just said that you believe my children, your grandchildren, are going to hell. I am going to hang up now."
He interrupted and said something about them not believe in God and to just forget about it and let's talk about something else. Why on earth would he think I would want to talk about something else?
I said, "No, I am going to have this conversation with you. You believe my children are going to hell. I am hanging up now. I love you, dad, but I am not doing this."
That was yesterday just before noon. He hasn't reached out. No apology, nothing.
And he won't apologize.
We had a falling out several years ago and didn't talk for over a year. The falling out was over him saying hurtful things to one of my kids. That kid hasn't spoken to him since and he doesn't understand why.
When we started talking the last time, everything was swept under the rug and has just been ignored while we moved on for the greater good.
He spends his summers here where my sister and I live and it's honestly just a very stressful time for both of us. We have to spend a lot of time just tiptoeing around to avoid any topics that could lead into conflicting territory.
My dad has never talked about religion and again, church has never been a priority for him. So him saying this truly did feel like it just came out of nowhere.
I'm frustrated, I'm angry, and honestly just really hurt. I'm so incredibly tired of the fake and transactional relationship I have had with my dad over the majority of my life.
Everything comes with strings attached; I never ask my dad for anything, not even advice.
I'm so thankful for my mom and my stepdad who truly embodies the father figure spirit that every kid (adult or child) needs.
I don't even know what to do and I am so afraid of just saying yeah sure, it's fine, let's move on. He's older and I can see him trying to guilt trip me that way.