Lonely
I am so lonely. I haven't left my house in weeks, and I only leave my room to use the bathroom. I barely eat. I stopped attending therapy and haven't been to school in years because of my declining mental health and I don't have any friends. I've made a few friends online, but they never stay.
My interests are weird, and they often drive people away. On top of that, I'm very withdrawn and repressed, so I can't express myself like a normal person would. People often assume that certain things I say are said with malicious intent even though I'm just being blunt because that is how I naturally communicate.
I have selective mutism and can't speak aloud to people that aren't my mother. I have autism, MDD, ADHD, and I'm likely on the schizophrenia spectrum. I struggle every day with immense sensory issues, and I'm so miserable. There's nothing left for me here, but I can't kill myself because that would bring attention to me, and I don't want that. That's my problem with suicide, my life will stop but the world will keep spinning. I just want to disappear without leaving a trace.
I'm usually very independent, and don't crave human connection because I struggle to relate to others, but right now, for reasons unknown to me, I want contact. I want friends. I just can't find anyone who wants to befriend me and actually stay.