u/heart_mechanic_

This happened last year but I have wondered since if I was really in the wrong.

I (26F) have been in a relationship for close to 4 years now. Engaged for a little while. Awesome relationship. He has 2 kids with someone whom has been extremely conflictive. For the most part, it is your typical “bitter baby momma” situation. Had to go to court to get joint custody..and so on. We do our absolute best to keep peace. I quit responding to her behavior to avoid any extra backlash.

Every year, my fiancé and I host a booth at our local Halloween event. For extra context, the BM has caused a stink every year I’ve hosted it since being together, because my fiancé helps me with it, and in her words, “he never did things like that with her..” A few days before this event was to take place, my fiancé offered to watch the kids whilst she took care of some things.

Their older sister (13Y, not his bio child) tagged along too, which she never does usually, but is always fine with us. I went and bought them lunch, and brought it back to them, everything was great. A little later after that, the BM demands my fiancé to bring the kids back to her. Not wanting to argue or escalate things, he did so. We were confused but she always abruptly does things like that.

Later that night, the BM is barraging my fiancé with texts of how sh*tty he was, among many other remarks. She then sends a screenshot of messages between her and the 13Y daughter that was with us earlier. The daughter secretly took a picture of me as I was walking out from bringing them their food. The daughter said, “she dyed her hair. And I didn’t realize how crooked her teeth were”. And the BM replied with a laughing emoji, saying “you are definitely my child”. The BM then sent texts of her stating that she only sent her other daughter with us to “see if I was pregnant”.

Then she proceeded to say that I was a “big back Ronald McDonald”. We have both ignored her when she gets like this..but damn. I figured, “you know what? That’s what I will be this year for Halloween, and I will wear it to my booth I’m hosting.” I was honestly tired of her always trying to tear me down. Because at that point it was starting to work. So I ordered all the stuff for the outfit. And might I say, it turned out AMAZING. I didn’t tell anyone where the inspiration came from. The kids at the LOVED it. And I was glad I wore it because they loved it so much.

Then to my surprise, the BM attended this event. She wouldn’t even look at me, and never said anything, until later that day. She then WENT CRAZY on me over text, saying that I was “putting other women down” and that “I knew exactly what I was doing” and “I was wrong for intentionally trying to provoke her”. She threatened to post to social media why I wore that, which I thought was dumb, because I didn’t tell anyone she called me that. Obviously this caused a lot of problems, that in time would dissipate, but I still wonder to myself. Was I the asshole?