u/haylz328

Long story short my narcissist mother has alienated my 2 kids. I should’ve seen it coming since when she’s with them she picks my parenting through to pieces. 18YO fine she’s an adult and she’s not living with her, she’s with her boyfriend so I also know she’s away somewhat from the unhealthy behaviours. But omg my son.

Since leaving he’s suffered multiple daily panic attacks which he did not before. I’ve informed in on 3 occasions gently over the last 6 weeks since he left I’m here if he needs me. On the final attempt he told me to stop texting so I did to respect his boundaries. I’ve cut contact with my mother as contact with her is being twisted and fed back to my son. Even positive contact so it’s not worth it. Social workers were involved after a break down at school but closed the case and in their words “if he was younger we could’ve removed him and brought him home”. He’s a big lad so there’s no way I could keep him here and it would just cause further conflict.

I am so up and down. One minute I’m thinking he’s made his own choice he can come back whenever, the next I’m thinking my poor baby going through this, next minute I’m missing him like crazy, next minute freedom from the shackles my narc mother has had me in for 40 years. It’s just all over the place and intense. Did you go though this? Did it go away or calm down?

I suffer insomnia. I was sectioned at a point as it lasted 2 weeks straight without any sleep. A few months ago I gave up caring. Since the 2 week incident it’s occurred in spurts. It does go away but if anything upsets my sleep AppleCart (new meds etc) then it stirs it back up. Couple of months ago I realised I now need to make this a part of my life and learn to live with it and not care.

Now on insomnia spurts I lay in bed, eyes shut completely exhausted. My thoughts drift, sometimes into lucid dreaming but I don’t drop off. I get up and go to work the next day and live life as normal and just ride the wave until it goes away. Yesterday was day 4 of no sleep. I pushed through and last night I finally slept. I was so tired but no matter how tired I get I just don’t drop off. Could it be physical?

I am always smiling and laughing but my nmum never does, like ever. I couldn’t tell you what her teeth look like because she never give a big toothy smile, ever. I don’t know what her laugh sounds like because I have never heard it. wtf is that about?

I’m on day 2 of 5mg and with the dose increase came the sulphur burps or fart burps as I call them. I could handle one as a one off but constantly it’s disgusting me. Other people can smell them too and I am due to go back to work tomorrow so don’t want to force people to smell them. It’s horrible. What’s your best cure?