Dads, can I get your input on being a first-time Dad?
34 y/o male living in the US in a HCOL area. My wife is expecting to give birth in a matter of months to twins. Unclear yet of gender.
love kids and think they're awesome. But for many years, due to my own tough relationship with my Dad, I did not want kids because I was afraid I would perpetuate the same cycle of fighting and anger. I also convinced myself I would never get married since nobody seemed to like me. I was in a depressed spot for much of my mid-late twenties.
However after meeting my wife around 30 and thinking deeply, I decided she was someone I could have a family with. She always wanted kids and is a very maternal figure.
I used to think there would be some magical realization of when I could have a kid, like having the right amount of money or the right house. But let's face it, we've had to really reset our expectations as millenials. There is never going to be a good time to have a kid. I also have a better career now and am on a better long term trajectory. However, this initial hesitation about procreating for a number of years still follows me, and I hope I am making the right decision. I know that sounds crazy while I'm in the middle of pregnancy. Like, what the hell am I getting myself into?
Here's what I'm still worried about:
- First and foremost, how the hell am I going to do this? I get so anxious thinking where will we live long term (we just rent right now), how are we going to pay for this or that, are they going to suck all the energy from me that my career collapses and my physical/mental health irreversibly goes in the gutter?
- I really enjoy hobbies (playing sports, getting outdoors) and I know that will take a backseat for a while. But I'm super worried this will irreversibly take away my hobbies and cool stuff I like to do. Will I lose everything and end up hating and resenting my new life?
- Am I going to be a good Dad and love my kids? So many Dads say something in them just clicks but I am so worried it won't happen for me.
- Finances and the state of the world- both my wife and I have stable careers. However I really think this is an absolutely INSANE time to have a kid. Childcare costs are through the roof, and we don't live in the same type of communities anymore that share the responsibilities of raising children i.e. the village. My in laws live a few hours away and while I'm sure they can help a bit in the early stages I don't envision it being a long term arrangement. They are old and need to look after themselves. My wife has very generous maternity leave and can go back part time, and we can still make ends meet with a nanny a couple of days a week, and pay way less than sending them both to daycare in the HCOL are we are in. THANK GOD.
- How the hell are we going to do this in a low-trust society where so many people are AGAINST the idea of having family. Seems like kids are no longer riding their bikes around unsupervised. I think we live in a very anti-natalist society in a lot of ways
Someone please help me dudes.