u/guacislife12

So I've been super stressed out for awhile. My job sucks and I've been looking for a new one so my husband a few months ago suggested I take a trip with some girl friends. I texted some old friends. A couple people couldn't go, a couple didn't even respond to me. Long story short I never got to take a trip.

We moved out of state 4 years ago. In the last couple years I have finally made some friends. I go to book club. I go to craft club. I invite women over pretty often. Occasionally my family gets invited somewhere but never just me. I feel like I have friendly friends here but idk.

My husband is a homebody and never even tried to make friends. I was so happy when another guy started inviting him to weekly game nights, genuinely, as he needs friends and didn't really have any.

This week his old friends invited him on a trip to an away game of their college football team in November. I'm so happy he's going. He's a stay at home dad and deserves a break.

But tonight I'm a little jealous. I have tried really hard to make friends and.. I have nothing but surface level friendships. He didn't even try to make friends! And he gets a trip that I so desperately want and weekly game nights with a best friend.

And I feel bad I'm jealous of my husband because he deserves wonderful friends and to go on fun trips.

I just feel like.. is something wrong with me? I can't find a new job. I can't make a real friend apparently. I have a history of people who I thought I was really good friends with but then it turned out that I cared a lot more about the friendship than they did. Literally once my best friend moved to another state, came back home to visit once, had a baby shower with literally at least 50 people and didn't invite me. At that time I thought we were going to be those kind of friends where maybe we don't talk everyday but care about each other a lot. But clearly... Not. That was a few years ago. Most of the time I don't really think about that but yeah I'm thinking about it tonight. Because I'm thinking about how apparently there's something wrong with me and I can't make a real friend.

Overall I try not to get my hopes up, but it was for a remote role. 4 interviews and I even met the team. I thought I had a pretty good chance at getting the role.

I just found out I didn't get it. Honestly I'm devastated. I hate my current job. My boss is terrible and it's a very stressful job in itself. Genuinely I don't know what to do anymore. I get a lot of interviews and have gotten to the final round a few times and it just feels like I'm trapped in this job I hate. I can't quit, I've got a family to feed and basically no savings. I genuinely think I will never ever get out of this job. It feels pretty hopeless right now.