Trouble with work
I currently work at a Jewish food justice farm attached to a synagogue, and I love my job.
I was raised Jewish, have studied Talmud at a queer yeshiva, have taken classes in Jewish studies in college, at one point I wanted to be a Reconstructionist rabbi. So you can imagine being Jewish is a huge part of my identity.
The problem is, I can’t access any of it while I’m at work. I can’t remember anything I studied, or read Hebrew, can’t remember if I use Hashem or G-d in conversation. I can’t remember how to pronounce words. I’ve told my boss I have memory issues, and for some reason told them about my PTSD. But it’s like work-me can’t access Jewish-me. It’s horrible. I don’t know how to fix it, it’s so embarrassing. I need to know all the “Jewish stuff” at work because it’s like 50% of the work. I interact with people who come in to get free food, community members, I educate kids from the attached elementary and middle school, etc. and I keep failing miserably because I can’t access my own knowledge.