u/goatluv3r

Hello Reddit please help us!! also posted in r/weddings just trying to get some help

We're hosting our wedding for about 110 guests at a hotel. The weekend includes three events: a welcome BBQ on Friday, the reception on Saturday, and a goodbye breakfast on Sunday. The hotel is providing everything for these events—food, drinks, linens, chairs, and service staff. The welcome BBQ will have beer and wine, and the reception will have an open bar.

The hotel has “recommended” a 20% gratuity, but it’s optional. In our case, that would come out to about $6,000 (for the whole weekend).

We’re struggling to understand whether that amount makes sense. When we go out to restaurants with table service, we typically tip 20%. However, two of our events are buffet-style, where tipping that much doesn’t feel normal to us. Also, around 40% of the total cost is alcohol, which makes the 20% gratuity feel especially high relative to the level of service.

More broadly, we find tipping confusing—especially when the tip is tied to the total cost rather than the level of service.

We absolutely want to fairly compensate the people working our events—servers, bartenders, and setup staff—but we’re unsure what’s appropriate in this context.

What would be a respectful and reasonable way to handle tipping for the venue staff? pls help!!

There is a 2% service fee (not gratuity, we must pay this). We are located in California.

Hello Reddit please help us!!

We're hosting our wedding for about 110 guests at a hotel. The weekend includes three events: a welcome BBQ on Friday, the reception on Saturday, and a goodbye breakfast on Sunday. The hotel is providing everything for these events—food, drinks, linens, chairs, and service staff. The welcome BBQ will have beer and wine, and the reception will have an open bar.

The hotel has “recommended” a 20% gratuity, but it’s optional. In our case, that would come out to about $6,000 (for the whole weekend).

We’re struggling to understand whether that amount makes sense. When we go out to restaurants with table service, we typically tip 20%. However, two of our events are buffet-style, where tipping that much doesn’t feel normal to us. Also, around 40% of the total cost is alcohol, which makes the 20% gratuity feel especially high relative to the level of service.

More broadly, we find tipping confusing—especially when the tip is tied to the total cost rather than the level of service.

We absolutely want to fairly compensate the people working our events—servers, bartenders, and setup staff—but we’re unsure what’s appropriate in this context.

What would be a respectful and reasonable way to handle tipping for the venue staff? pls help!!

Edit: there is a 2% service fee that is NOT gratuity in our bill. we are located in california.