Reporting COCSA Advice
Hi,
Long story but I want to hear from people who reported their abuser in the US, especially those who were victims of COCSA.
I (now 24F) was molested by an older cousin when I was around 5/6 (maybe even younger as I don’t remember when the abuse started). He molested me multiple times ( I don’t want to get too graphic but there was no penetration he performed oral sex on me and rubbed his area on mine). I told my mom when I was around 11/12 (maybe even a bit younger) and finally understood more of what happened to me and that it was wrong. I vividly remember telling my mom and she started yelling at me saying no no how could this happen why didn’t you tell me. Her reaction really scared me. Also for reference, I was verbally and physically abused by my older brother growing up who would constantly slut shame me. So I felt even more ashamed. I remember a few more instances talking to my mom about it a little but for the most part we never spoke of it and I lied and said it only happened once and to not tell anyone.
Then, when I was 19 my mom was drunk on the phone with me and she has experience CSA and said how I would never understand and kept repeating it. I finally lost it and was like what do you mean mom don’t you remember I told you what happened to me. She broke down crying and was like oh my god yes I do remember I’m so sorry. I was upset it was the first time I talked with her about it in years. I spent my life growing up always around that cousin but distant, quiet, the weird cousin that didn’t talk much. I clinged to my mom but then my parents got divorced and this happened on my dad’s side so I tried to stay close to my sister but was always called weird and told to go away. Anyways, I started healing slowly told my sisters. My oldest sister (I have 2 sisters) questioned me about it I felt not believed and sad by her. Come to find out when I’m 22/23 it was because my oldest sister experienced something similar with my abuser. But my sister and the abuser are the same age and she said they played house and doesn’t remember how it started and had a lot of shame and guilt around it. Maybe it was just me being silly and young but I always felt like he was the one who started things and finally I felt not crazy like surely this happened because it wasn’t just me. Anyways, still struggled a ton and was depressed and angry at my parents for so long never had told my older brother because I didn’t want him to go to jail for trying to beat my cousin up.
Fast forward to now, I sent a group text to all my cousins on my dads side exposing my abuser because a couple weeks ago I told my brother( another long story) what happened but didn’t tell him who the abuser was. My brother was pissed calling around, called a different male cousin of mine saying hey this happened to my sister but I don’t know who it was. My cousin goes I know who it was, it was _____ , because he did it to me too. Similar situation no penetration as far as I know but messed up. Another cousin of mine came forward to my brother saying she was offered money by the abuser in exchange for touching her, thankfully she got scared and ran away. So now we have multiple people saying something about the same person. So I sent the group text out also saying I wasn’t alone in this but it’s not my story to tell. I said I would file a police report and the next day I did. It’s been 19 years since this happened to me, is there any possibility anything could come of the police report? I was mainly looking for the cycle to stop and for peace and healing for myself as well as to make sure (as best I can in my ability) that he doesn’t do this to his own children or others. But has anyone had success in getting their abuser in jail for something similar? What was the process like? How long did it take?