Exhausted Being My Mother’s Keeper
I have been designated as my “mother’s keeper” since childhood. My father literally told me that it’d be my fault if my mother didn’t get discharged from the psychiatric hospital if I didn’t get her to take her meds because apparently a grown woman is going to listen to a 12 year old… It’s exhausting that every time she displays odd behavior, I get phone calls from family members asking if she’s in an episode. It’s exhausting that I have been given the responsibility of HER mental health when I have my own to worry about. I unfortunately also have bipolar disorder and yet, her diagnosis takes precedent because it disrupts everyone and everything around her. I also hate that it feels like I have to do damage control after she lashes out at people because she’s paranoid. Then, she guilt trips me and claims that I always take everyone else’s side. I’m just exhausted.
Have you ever experienced any guilt and self-doubt about whether or not you’re doing right by your parent? How do you handle any lingering resentment from the past?