I saw my nmom unexpectedly in the wild today
I, 39f, have been no contact with my mother for almost a year now. The no contact started after a rather traumatic event where my mother insulted my in-laws and then was nasty to my daughter, then 3. I scooped up my kiddo and beat feet out of there and haven’t spoken to her, or my step father since. It was the final straw.
Today I went to a beautiful spot for Easter brunch with my in laws, husband and now 4 year old daughter. The restaurant is in a very old building and has large glass windows along an entire wall facing the river. As we walked up the path from the parking lot to the front of the building, I spotted my nmom and my stepfather in the first table along that glass wall, they also saw us. The world slowed, my feet went numb and I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, it thundered in my ears. I was THIS close to turning around and finding somewhere else to eat, but we didn’t. I walked in and pretended they weren’t there the whole time. My 4 year old didn’t even notice “mean grandma” was present, thankfully.
I don’t know why I’m writing this other than to get the event off my chest and out of my head. I’m surprised how affected I was the instant I saw her sitting there. The fear. The panic. As a mother, I can’t imagine my child feeling those things when she sees me. I guess the feelings she inspired for my whole childhood still hit EXACTLY the same and that’s just wild to me.