u/flatassfairy

Yep, I made the classic gay mistake of falling for my best friend. I desperately need advice on what to do, I’ve never been more confused in my life, please bear with me. He’s bi, I’m gay.

My best friend (S) and I met when we entered law school, and we have been in the same friend group, and best friends for two years now. For some context, he’s a total nerd, and I’m a bit of a social butterfly, and I’d always thought he was adorable since the beginning. We progressively got closer throughout the years, and now we are incredibly close (and clingy). We are always touching or cuddling when we are together, and talking online/on a call when we aren’t. Our friend group makes fun out of us being so couple-like, and neither of us are put off by it (instead, we both enjoy it).

I started realising I don’t just love him as a friend during christmas, when he would hold my hand constantly in huge crowds under the lights to make sure I didn’t get lost (I’m pretty short and i get lost easily). He’s incredibly caring and thoughtful, and the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. We went on another Valentines “date”, where we had brunch and walked around the city holding hands and giggling. I feel incredibly safe with him.

From the last month, we started exploring, and have been hooking up regularly as well. He never had any experience before, and he was basically addicted to having fun together all the time, and it was pretty flattering, not gonna lie. We have been sneaking away to his room and to secluded washrooms almost everyday, and it’s been fun, but horrifying for my mental state.

I confessed to him, but all he’s shown me is mixed signals and confusion. He’s said he’s never loved anyone like me, and that I’m his priority, but he can’t date me because his parents are incredibly homophobic and would have a drastic reaction. He’s a pure introvert, he’s afraid of making anyone upset with him an especially his family, and he told me to my face that he doesn’t see a future for himself where he can come out to his parents 10 years down the line.

He said a gay relationship isn’t feasible for him, and he let me down softly, but it was still painful. Right now, we are in a state of limbo where we call each other baby, and wish each other good morning everyday, hold hands and hookup, but he still won’t commit. I know this stupid guy likes me, i can see it in his actions, but he’s told me multiple times that he doesn’t and he’s confused about what romantic love means.

I’m not sure if I can absolutely believe his reasons, but if i dont, I just end up having my hopes heightened and that ends up in a negative situation for me. Should I cut him off? He’s said I should if i feel like it, but he also said it would hurt him incredibly and is really scared about me cutting him off. My feelings aren’t going away, he’s way too sweet and gentle for it to happen. Please help :(