u/filtersweep — reddlx

Dec 27, 2023, I felt something was horribly wrong and had a talk with my wife. She suddenly wanted a divorce. She had been writing a book with a coworker- spending a lot of time. She INSISTED there was not another man.

I asked her many times— she said there was no one else. I went through hell- thinking she would rather be alone than with me. Hell. I blamed myself. I had felt dead inside. I could have been a better husband.

We agreed not to involve the kids. I kept the house. The kids blamed her for leaving anyway.

Fast forward to this fall 2025. I told my exwife that I was seeing someone. My wife seemed happy for me.

The kids noticed the coworker’s Netflix account on her TV. She said she couldn’t log in with hers, so she used his. They were just friends. Also, she started driving to work (downtown) and parked at his place - because it was free ( he lived downtown). Just friends.

This weekend she told me she was going to France on vacation. I found out from the kids it was with that man. I felt sick.

I called her— she said that she was seeing him since fall of 2025.

I was furious. So I sent HIS exwife a cryptic message- ‘Lets meet. I think we have something to talk about.’ I knew her because we did things socially when we were married.

She wanted to meet immediately.

When we met- we both immediately knew.

Her husband left her 4 days prior. Four days.

She told me the exact same story. Same non-reason for leaving. We talked for hours.

I felt my head spinning.

I never understood why this divorce was so easy for her- why there was zero interest in working on things.

All the pieces were there.

I don’t know exactly when it started, but I will never know.

The kids are 17 and 19. i told them. I don’t know that it was right or wrong. But I did. My divorce was never about me and my wife, it was about him and her.

I sent her some insane text messages and probably ruined her vacation. The kids refuse to take her calls or return her messages.

Our deal of not involving the kids is off— she never acted in good faith.

I am contemplating calling her mother— telling her she is always welcome in my house to see the kids, but she probably won’t see the kids at her place with her mother because…..

I need help: I am reliving my entire 2.5 year divorce all over again. I am consumed with rage. I was completely gaslit. I blamed myself for my divorce— was in a very bad place. I went through hell. She left the kids and me—- to be alone— because I was horrible. This is so evil. If she had told the truth, I could have accepted things. Everything would have made sense.

I don’t want this to turn into revenge. We were married nearly 25 years. I was feeling pretty OK until Monday- when I found out.

What to do?

Regarding his ex— I felt an insanely powerful attraction and bond- probably because of this shared trauma. Not sure were that will go. We are constantly messaging each other. I always liked her— in the past, it was always her and I versus my wife and her husband- because they got all into work topics.