switching from methylphenidate to amphetamine
I’m 23F diagnosed with autism and moderate to severe ADHD a month ago.
The questions I wanted to ask are at the very end of the post.
My symptoms:
I’m always late, extremely inconsistent with tidiness or personal hygiene, very sleepy during the day despite sleeping 9 hours and having normal iron or wtv else levels, and very impulsive, aggressive (not always in a negative way), dramatic, hypersensitive, impatient.
I never had “serious” addictions, but always had a really big sweet tooth or addicted to a certain videogame or book/language to the point that those “obsessions” kinda ruined almost all other aspects of my life. I also have a habit of maladaptive daydreaming which can take hours of my day everyday and it’s exhausting.
I am also literally just not able to be in a relationship? Everytime I talk to somebody and smth minor happens and i just leave? even tho i regret it after. Therefore i’ve never been able to date or talk to someone for longer than a few months (normally 1-4 weeks). I also have really bad jealousy issues.
Another big thing is that the luteal phase of my menstrual cycle feels very extreme to me. The irritability, lack of focus, forgetting things, losing patience, getting genuinely extremely tired and aggressive, it really affects my life & my relationships with people. The last week before my period is the worst & that’s when I fight with people the most and cut them off my life.
A month ago I saw a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with autism/severe adhd and prescribed Ritalin LA 10mg. At first, I felt so calm and didn’t even feel the need for maladaptive daydreaming. I could actually get things done, like if i set my mind to do smth, i would just do it. At the same time, I could physically feel how I just kinda *think* before I say things? This gave me hope that maybe I am able to not lash out on people and act aggressive and cut them off my life over small issues. And that maybe someday I could actually have a long term boyfriend and be happy. The meds also helped me with impulsively spending my money.
Since then I’ve been actively watching out for my behavior and learning how to deal with impulses. I’ve been distancing myself from whatever causes me to get angry, taking my time, doing breathing exercises, etc. It did help a lot.
Anyway back to 10mg Ritalin LA, it stopped working completely after 2-3 days, I stopped taking them at all for a week, then I took 20mg bc I found out women with ADHD take more of the meds during the luteal phase, my heart was beating really fast (over 100 times per minute) which made me feel like shit but still focused and kinda happy? or horny? idk. Also, after those 8 hours I feel very tired & a little irritated. I kept taking two capsules a day and ran out of the meds too early and had another appointment with the psych and he prescribed me a generic brand but with 20mg this time.
So after taking a break for like 2 days, I started taking the 20mg methylphenidate again and I could physically feel how clear and calm my mind gets and how I genuinely think before I talk. Sounds weird but the difference between me unmedicated and me on 20mg is so drastic. It’s been like that for almost a week now, but I’ve noticed the 20mg doesn’t hit the same anymore + I was getting closer and closer to having my period. My doctor told me I should have 30mg before period and 20 after, but he never really prescribed me the extra 10mg, so I took 40mg of meth twice or three times, which also made my heart rate rise and I wasn’t feeling physically well despite having a sharp mind.
The last time I took the 40mg was 2 days ago, I remember how the second capsule was kicking in because I became so sharp, calm while my heart was racing, I was watching the trees outside while it was raining and my eyes just locked in on one tree and I sat there for an hour just staring at the tree. I felt so peaceful and awake? I felt like I didn’t need anything else at that moment.
Fast forward to today, I’m on second day of period, normally my mood and energy get much better on the second day of my period. I slept 7 hours, woke up, took a nap a few hours later, then took the 20mg and expected it to work (took it at around 12pm). At 2-3PM i became really exhausted and sleepy. Since then the whole day i’ve been kinda lazy, groggy and tired (even tho I have done the stuff that needed to get done — due to external motivation).
This is my month long experience with methylphenidate. Now I’m thinking about switching to Vyvanse cuz it works longer and is smoother to process.
So my questions are:
Has anyone had a similar experience with methylphenidate? Is it worth trying out Amphetamine instead?
Is it possible that when I was on the 20mg for the first time or 40mg, I was just kinda high on meth? I wonder if i’m mistaking the “high” and hyper focus for normal stable medicated state.
And lastly, did you guys also struggle with maintaining relationships? Does it get better after being medicated? I guess i’m just trying to look for reassurance that maybe I could also have a “normal” life lol.
I know it’s a long post, but if anyone read it, thank you :)