caught in the middle of a friendship?
So my cousin “Kelsey” (20F) and I (19F) are really close, and we’ve both been friends with our friend “Layla” (20F) for years. (We all met in the same kindergarten class so go wayyyy back), Kelsey moved away about a year ago (though she comes home occasionally), so now Layla and I hang out more and also text more often. Kelsey has understandably gotten a bit out of the loop on things going on in Layla’s life that she usually hears from me.
Lately, though, I’ve started feeling a bit uncomfortable when I hang out with Layla, because it sometimes feels like she mildly criticizes Kelsey or is judging Kelsey. For example, she was once commenting on Kelsey’s relationship with her girlfriend (I won’t go into detail), and mentioned that she told a friend about it and that her friend thought it was “super weird.” I didn’t really know how to respond, so I just said, “Oh, okay.”
Kelsey also struggles with anxiety, and sometimes Layla brings it up in a way that doesn’t feel very sincere, like, “How’s she doing? My mom said she’s been really anxious—I just feel sooo bad.” She’ll also speculate that Kelsey’s anxiety is affecting her relationships, or say things like she feels bad for not telling Kelsey about the guy she’s seeing because she feels like Kelsey's relationship is tanking and doesn't want to "make her feel bad". I usually just respond something like, “Kelsey would actually be really happy for you.”
When I mentioned that Kelsey was coming home for a visit right around Layla’s 21st birthday and suggested we all hang out, I expected her to be excited, but she didn’t really respond and made a joking comment like, “I’ll pass.” We FaceTimed again recently and I brought it up again, saying Kelsey would be driving down on Tuesday and we were all free Wednesday, so we could do something together for her bday, which seemed like a no-brainer. Layla went quiet (Kelsey did too, though she was at least smiling). I rambled a bit afterward and eventually said, “Or we don’t have to,” which made things kind of awkward.
I’m starting to feel frustrated being stuck in the middle. My stepmom has told me to just let things go, but I honestly feel like I go into defense mode when I’m around Layla. She also tends to ask me about Kelsey instead of talking to her directly, and I’ve realized they don’t really text each other separately anymore. I understand distance plays a role, but it still feels a bit off.
Kelsey is very drama-free and usually just says things like “yeah, the vibes were a bit off on that call,” and doesn’t put pressure on me when I mention things. She has no idea about a lot of the things Layla has said to me.
BUT.... I LOVE Kelsey and enjoy spending time with Layla! Things used to be different and I'm sure Kelsey moving a couple hours a way didn't help